An Ode to Death

A friend of mine passed away recently, and it made me think about how death affects us, not only when a person physically dies, but when a part of us dies along with the loss of someone. So here goes...

When death does not come
 from physically dying,
When your eyes are dry
 that tears aren't flowing,
When your heart's so numb,
 you can't hear it beating,
When your purpose is gone,
 and you stop existing,

A death that's different,
 not of this world but of the soul;
A painful tragedy,
 one endures in attempt to be whole;
A daily battle trying
 to live or end up losing control;
Yes, it's a death
 all of us are afraid to unfold.

I wanted to write something
 on how to win over this kind of death,
But, I, too, have not overcome it
 nor know what comes next
So for now, this is all I could say,
 as my death has come and haven't left
But when it does, I'll tell you,
 and I'll help you until my last breath.



Xo,
L.

If I let you down

I'm sorry if there were times that I let you down. I'm sorry if you expected something from me and yet I didn't deliver. I'm sorry if I made a promise to you that I didn't keep. I'm so sorry. That's all I could say. I know I can't take it back anymore. I know I've already hurt you. But trust me when I say I didn't mean to. I, too, of course want to match your expectations. I, too, want to deliver. I, too, want to keep my promise. But a part of me, something very dark and deep, keeps me from doing so. Please don't ask me why can't I just overcome it and do it. That all I have to do is be motivated enough and I will be able to do it. It's not that easy. It's like a demon trying to control me and my actions, trying to hold me down from what I really wanted. And everyday, I try to battle it out with it just so I could live. Just so I could survive the day without disappointing you or anyone else further. It's an exhausting thing to do, really. And sometimes, it wins, thus, I let you down, I don't meet your expectations, I don't deliver, I break my promises. It's because during those days, I let it win over me. And it eats me up when I know I lost the battle, when I know I disappointed you. But do know that I am still fighting in this war, that I am trying my best to win. Not even for my sake, but for you.

Xo,
L.

Let Me Build You Up

Let Me Build You Up

Bicol, March 2017

Your fragile heart will keep on beating,

As long as you stay close to Me.

I'll let you see the stars shining,

Once you've let yourself be free.

Stay close to Me, don't let go,

Yes, there'll be tears and pain,

But I will be with you. So,

Don't be afraid to say My name.

My experience in Bicol last March gave me a sense of peace that I never thought I'd feel. It was an affirmation of the longing to be with Him, the promises He has planned for me, and the new purpose that will help me move forward. Yes, we went to different places in Bicol, from the majestic Mayon Volcano, to the serene Bulusan lake, down to the depths of the sea, to the hidden islands and waterfalls of Masbate. It was all God's way of showing His creations that we are so blessed to have. A reminder for me that it's all in our perspective how we will be able to see His gifts and abundant love.

Xo,
L.

To more adventures and dreams

While my momentum is still here, I'll keep on writing as much as I could. First, some back story. This blog has been with me for so long, yet I've never really put much in it since I really don't know what to put as content. Thus it ended up as a blog dump of my random thoughts and feels, which are quite uneventful, depressing, enlightening (in some way). But what I really wanted to make of this was for it to become something where I could share my passions: writing, fashion, and travel. Yes, somewhat like your typical fashion/lifestyle blog out there but at the same time, I want to be different. I don't wanna conform and join the bandwagon of other bloggers out there. I just wanted something that shows depth and a deeper purpose and not just #OOTDs, branded products, travel photos and what not. I want to make this blog more than that. Although, I might still do those things in someways(?).

Fast forward to last week, while I was talking to a friend, she suggested to me why not make it a travel blog with a message. And since I did name my blog "The Adventurous Dreamer", it's going be about my adventures and dreams. So on my upcoming posts, I'll be sharing my travels - the places to go, stories, and tips in life. I'll also post some things about my life working in retail, and in school as well. Just to fulfill the dreamer part of my blog name. hahaha. Yes, they're typical topics but I'll make it as different as I could. :)

I'm really excited to making this project happen and I do hope I could manage to make myself write again. And this time, with a purpose. <3

Xo,
L.

Freedom, finally.

It's been one crazy first quarter of 2017 and as much as I'm enjoying it so far, it wouldn't be so if not for the struggles that comes with it. I've struggled with adjusting at my new work, new term in school (hello, financial management!), service in the community, having a social life, trying to maintain a weekly exercise, saving up but splurging at the same time, and balancing it all together is the craziest of them all.

But despite of it all, I finally found peace within and while doing these things and I've moved forward. I've struggled for the past years but now I think I am finally free. I've felt that I am no longer bound to the depths of the darkness that consumed me and I am slowly being carried to the place where I am meant to be all along - His. I still have some battles I need to overcome but seeing where I am now and where I used to be, I am confident that He will see me through. I know He will be there with me as I continue moving forward, just like when He stood by me during the tough times (even if I didn't pay attention or disregarded it completely).

My only prayer now is that I may continue to move forward, and get to know Him more as I do. As close as the Father is with His son. And I hope I could, with struggles and all.


With that, I now know what I could use this blog for. <3

Xo,
L.

032617

I've told myself I'll start writing again, and I am. I've managed to write some words and made up lines that turned into a poem. And now, seeing that I don't have anyone else to talk to, I'm writing here. I don't write because I'm lonely, I write to remind myself that I could still do something even if I'm alone. I have this with me when things aren't going so well in real life. I have this where no judgement is passed on nor empathy, which I don't mind since I'm used to it. I write here because this is the only place where I can let myself express what I feel without having to worry about who reads it, who knows about what I'm going through and what they think of me. Yeah sure, I'd love it if people who know me knows what I'm going through, but I know it's best if they don't, unless of course they're willing to get to know me. Me who's writing here, not the version they see on my Instagram feed.

It's sad to how we judge people based on their lives in social media. Sure it brings people together, but only those who we want to connect to, and sometimes, there are those who needed it but doesn't say it out loud.

Xo,
L.

Never too late to start over

So it's been a while since I've opened my blog. Partly because I'm a lazy girl who thinks it's too tedious to write, despite the fact how much I crave to write stories and things. Another one is because I've been caught up with so many things lately (hello, new work!) that I can't squeeze it in nor focus on it. But now that I'm here, I'll try my best (again!) to write about things. Really hoping I can push myself into posting more this year and me catching up to all the backlogged photos from last year is definitely a good sign. And I'm got a little motivated to post about my travels so hopefully (!!!) I can do that also. lol.

Xo,
L.