I tolerate curiosity

Monday, May 19

Of being hurt and keeping anger

We've all felt hurt or disappointed at one point in our lives. And sometimes, that feeling introduces us to another emotion - anger. When you've been hurt by someone, sometimes it makes you think of how or why do they do things that hurt you. Be it intentionally or not, they will end up hurting you and don't you ever question how can they do it when they know it will hurt you? Or better yet, do they know you enough to know that you will feel hurt by that certain action? I know it's twisted, but I'm just saying that those shouldn't even cross their mind if they care about you, or they should think twice whether you will be hurt or not before doing something. Those questions  are what sparks the anger coming from the hurts and frustrations of one certain action by the ones we love. Because, you know that if it's the other way around, you wouldn't be doing that to them.

I don't even know what hurts more, the action that hurt you or the fact that they didn't even know or care enough that that action will hurt you. And it's freaking frustrating going round and round without finding an answer. It just makes you angry. And being filled with anger will just make it worse, but sometimes, it's better, sometimes it's okay to let them feel that anger and let them realize that they've hurt you, right?

It's hard to let go of anger and giving forgiveness, especially if you're the one who's hurt, if you were the one who has done nothing wrong. It makes you think like how can you forgive and let go when they didn't understand what you were feeling and might possibly hurt you again. It's so twisted that it's hard to get a grip on that it will make you the bad person when you confront them and wouldn't even get an apology. So what's there to forgive, right?

So rather than going against them nor succumbing to being the one that has to bow down, I'd rather be indifferent. I'd rather be cold and not care than to care and just be hurt. It's a less stress feeling.

Indifference is just something to coat a hurting heart and it's rare for people to notice when someone is being indifferent. Heck, you can keep feeling hurt forever and be indifferent and those around you who doesn't care enough to know who you really are wouldn't even notice. Sucks, right?

It's okay to feel hurt, or angry, or be indifferent, but you have to have a certain breaking point of when it can go. Do not push yourself farther away because you might never see the chance for you to change it. It's not good to dwell on things but we all have to go through it. Though it's not that easy, I know, but you'll get there.


Saturday, May 10

Random thought 05-10

Have you ever experience a point in your life where things are really starting to change and it is inevitable and all you have to do is move forward to the unknown? Like how you now have to face things that you didn't think you will, or just not right now? That's how my life is going. Awesome, huh?

This year has been slowly urging me to move forward and at the same time makes it feel like I've been dragging my ass just to get to things over with. My emotions are completely contradicting and I feel like I have to get out of here and just be somewhere else. Like being in a box, it's sort of caging me in a way that I have no control, or should I say, it's getting out of control and shutting me in. I am deeply enjoying everything but sometimes, I think about the things that are out there that I would love to do. And it makes me less grateful for what I have now and I feel so bad for thinking that way.

Everything's just going too fast with me chasing around just to get my life back.

I know it's complicated. Sorry.


Wednesday, May 7

Social Media=Social Life?

So after watching Transcendence a week ago, it sort of bugged me how technology is defining our lives in this day and age; how people have become so dependent on computers, mobile phones, internet, and of course, Google. It's like we cannot live a day without those gadgets and manage our lives like how people in the past used to do everything - manually. People before used to write letters, though it takes time, have a chat face to face, go shopping in an actual mall, and so many more. But now, everything is done automatically, instantly, and conveniently.

I know it's sounds ironic that I am sharing my sentiments in one of the things that I said defines our lives. Might as well put it to good use, yeah? There are advantages and disadvantages of having to depend on technology, we just have to find the right balance in using it.

So back to the movie, it showed how such advancement in technology can totally ruin and/or change humanity when we completely rely on it to solve everything. Yes, it sure is amazing if we can find a cure for cancer, or save mother nature, but there will always be a cost to it. Everything does. I won't spoil the movie, but just a bit of something in the end, humans were able to re-adjust again to having a life without their iPhones, or computers and other gadgets that seems so necessary nowadays.

And it's just saddening to see the change in our everyday life. People don't talk on the train and would just look at their phones and check Facebook, tweeting every 5 minutes of what you are doing- falling in line, getting cheeseburgers and a shake, and taking a picture of the said burger and shake to upload in Instagram before eating. Everything is being transferred from your own life to the life you have in your social network. Unfortunately, sometimes, what you post in cyberspace that other people see isn't exactly what it is in the real world. Consciously or not, we filter what we post in our pages the way we want other people to perceive us - happy, fun, cool, and living it. But we don't post the ugly stuff that goes behind. I mean, who would be interested in that, right?

To keep this blog post short, just watch the video I posted to see how technology really affects us.

Hope you get what I'm saying. :)