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All of us have
hurts we keep.
All of us have
wounds so deep.

Things we never
tell nor show.
Things we hide,
no one knows.

The pain inside
we try to conceal.
We tell ourselves,
"No, it's not real."

The only way
to escape
is to fight it,
face it straight.

It'll be hard,
but still fight.
It's not easy,
but it's right.

To move forward
is the goal.
Just move, until
you are whole.



Xo,
L.

An Ode to Death

A friend of mine passed away recently, and it made me think about how death affects us, not only when a person physically dies, but when a part of us dies along with the loss of someone. So here goes...

When death does not come
 from physically dying,
When your eyes are dry
 that tears aren't flowing,
When your heart's so numb,
 you can't hear it beating,
When your purpose is gone,
 and you stop existing,

A death that's different,
 not of this world but of the soul;
A painful tragedy,
 one endures in attempt to be whole;
A daily battle trying
 to live or end up losing control;
Yes, it's a death
 all of us are afraid to unfold.

I wanted to write something
 on how to win over this kind of death,
But, I, too, have not overcome it
 nor know what comes next
So for now, this is all I could say,
 as my death has come and haven't left
But when it does, I'll tell you,
 and I'll help you until my last breath.



Xo,
L.

If I let you down

I'm sorry if there were times that I let you down. I'm sorry if you expected something from me and yet I didn't deliver. I'm sorry if I made a promise to you that I didn't keep. I'm so sorry. That's all I could say. I know I can't take it back anymore. I know I've already hurt you. But trust me when I say I didn't mean to. I, too, of course want to match your expectations. I, too, want to deliver. I, too, want to keep my promise. But a part of me, something very dark and deep, keeps me from doing so. Please don't ask me why can't I just overcome it and do it. That all I have to do is be motivated enough and I will be able to do it. It's not that easy. It's like a demon trying to control me and my actions, trying to hold me down from what I really wanted. And everyday, I try to battle it out with it just so I could live. Just so I could survive the day without disappointing you or anyone else further. It's an exhausting thing to do, really. And sometimes, it wins, thus, I let you down, I don't meet your expectations, I don't deliver, I break my promises. It's because during those days, I let it win over me. And it eats me up when I know I lost the battle, when I know I disappointed you. But do know that I am still fighting in this war, that I am trying my best to win. Not even for my sake, but for you.

Xo,
L.

Sick

So, just when summer starts this month I really just had to get sick. Damn. The other day, I started to notice that I can't swallow properly, like my throat's so dry and it's tough for food to go down smoothly. Then after a few hours, there it is. My throat became so and it hurts to even drink. I wasn't able to take meds because we didn't have one in the house.