So... this was saved in the drafts and wasn't posted. sorry about that. LOL. Read on anyway. :)
I can't seem to sleep even when my eyes are so heavy already. Thus I am writing what I realized tonight after such a whirlwind week.
It's been quite a good week actually. Having started with an amazing realization from God last Sunday, I still struggle to go back to being me again and control myself from doing things I know that are not pleasing to Him. It's hard, but I'm trying, really. And thankfully, I was able to enjoy the week thanks to the campus team, having fun and realizing so many things together was quite a refreshing experience after isolating myself for a while. Although I had to pay for it with the lack of sleep, had an average of 4 hours of sleep a night only. But moments like those are worth the eyebags. LOL.
Fast forward to this day (or should I say yesterday since it's past midnight lol), it became quite stressful with me thinking of a way to fix my schedule for the weekend since I suddenly had to work, I was frustrated as hell when my plan for the weekend was ruined. I was supposed to be free the whole day and can go early to Batangas with the team but since I had to work, I need to get left behind and ride on the next bus. And I'm pretty sure I'll be tired as hell when we get here, with the lack of sleep and all.
Going back, I've been trying to work out a plan of having to go to everything. I decided that I should just let it be and let Him do what He wants me to do and where He wants me to go. And after a stressful day, I had an early out from work and I decided to attend the mass since I kind of forgot to the past few days, which I wanna start doing everyday. I came early for the mass so I stayed, and just prayed. I was able to catch the novena, and then that's where it hit me again.
It says that even if we feel that we are most undeserving to be called His servants, we should not be discouraged but be strong instead. We should take it as our driving force to strive better, to live trying our best to follow His teachings and live out His works. No matter how many times we fail, let us use it as a learning experience and as a way to help share His message. But what happens is that we feel that we do not deserve His love. We'd rather stay in the dark and let the feeling of unworthiness eat us up, which make us do and feel worse. We forget how merciful our God is and how He forgives us as long as we surrender ourselves to Him.
It is just human nature to feel that way but upon accepting that Christ is with us makes all the difference.
Xo,
L.
Saturday, November 17
Thursday, November 15
Faith Works Wonders
Since I've revived my blog a few days ago, I might as well take the chance to keep it running while I am still in the moment. lol. And last night, while having a household (for those who aren't familiar, it's sort of like a support group), our topic was about next year's theme of our community as well as the Church, towards the year of faith.
While our head was talking about it and concluding the discussion, it suddenly came into my head that this is something worth writing about. Not just because of it being the theme and all nor because it was a good discussion last night. It was because God made me view it in a different way. Well, it's still the same but in a different context of how it is explained and what it means, for me.
So, Faith. Works. Wonders. Three words with big meanings behind all of it. But I'll just share what it meant to me when I came to hear it last night.
FAITH.
It's our belief in God. It's what we hold on to when things get tough. Hearing it last night, faith, for me, is the beginning of God's mighty love for us that will transform us and our lives will never be the same again. It's surrendering everything to Him - all the happiness, pain, dreams and desires - our whole life in general. Once we surrender it all, and let our faith guide us in our journey, the next word is about to begin.
WORKS.
It means actions. It's easy to have faith and to surrender it all. But actually doing it? Think again. Walking the talk is as hard as it is to control your craving when you're in a diet. lol. But really, it's hard to live a righteous life following His and proclaim and testify one's faith to everyone. Especially in this day and age where secularism and liberalism is widely promoted. Having to stand for one's faith is a life-long battle against oneself and the evil one who tempts you with all the earthly desires and possessions. So following your faith and doing His work in our lives, and to others as well, really means a lot and is really something to show how to fully surrender everything to Him.
WONDERS.
To put it simply, it's seeing God's blessings in our lives, no matter how big or small. How He blesses us so much with His love by giving us something to appreciate the life He gave to us. From little things to enjoy to the miracles He shows us is truly worth all the hardships that we have to face. All that we need is to surrender it to Him.
See what I'm trying to say? Well, here's a simple equation to summarize my complicated thoughts:
While our head was talking about it and concluding the discussion, it suddenly came into my head that this is something worth writing about. Not just because of it being the theme and all nor because it was a good discussion last night. It was because God made me view it in a different way. Well, it's still the same but in a different context of how it is explained and what it means, for me.
So, Faith. Works. Wonders. Three words with big meanings behind all of it. But I'll just share what it meant to me when I came to hear it last night.
FAITH.
It's our belief in God. It's what we hold on to when things get tough. Hearing it last night, faith, for me, is the beginning of God's mighty love for us that will transform us and our lives will never be the same again. It's surrendering everything to Him - all the happiness, pain, dreams and desires - our whole life in general. Once we surrender it all, and let our faith guide us in our journey, the next word is about to begin.
WORKS.
It means actions. It's easy to have faith and to surrender it all. But actually doing it? Think again. Walking the talk is as hard as it is to control your craving when you're in a diet. lol. But really, it's hard to live a righteous life following His and proclaim and testify one's faith to everyone. Especially in this day and age where secularism and liberalism is widely promoted. Having to stand for one's faith is a life-long battle against oneself and the evil one who tempts you with all the earthly desires and possessions. So following your faith and doing His work in our lives, and to others as well, really means a lot and is really something to show how to fully surrender everything to Him.
WONDERS.
To put it simply, it's seeing God's blessings in our lives, no matter how big or small. How He blesses us so much with His love by giving us something to appreciate the life He gave to us. From little things to enjoy to the miracles He shows us is truly worth all the hardships that we have to face. All that we need is to surrender it to Him.
See what I'm trying to say? Well, here's a simple equation to summarize my complicated thoughts:
FAITH + WORKS = WONDERS
Hope reading this helps you to appreciate your faith (or at least understand mine) in Him and see how truly blessed you are. :)
Xo,
L.
Monday, November 12
No other life like this.
Has it happened to you that moment where you suddenly realized something and everything made sense? Where you suddenly had that "Eureka!" moment and felt like you've solve the world's hunger problem? Have you ever thought that it was God who talked to you and put that information in your head at that perfect time? Spiritual matters or not? That it was Him who gave you that wisdom you never had before.
I did. And I never did expect that He will be talking to me in such a special way - right in front of me, face to face.
Okay, not literally, but figuratively and spiritually speaking, it was Him. I know it is.
Flashback to how I was before the Youthfest started (and ended), for the past few months, I've struggled with my spiritual growth - or lack of, I say. It's been really stressful with how busy I am at my workplace, how everything just kept piling and piling up. Work, family, service, social life, hobbies and sleep, there wasn't enough time for me to really have a talk with Him. Even my prayer time was screwed. I know it's such a cliche excuse to be busy, when I've got the time to do other things. But it's also because I didn't even took an effort into doing it. I chose to stay away from Him feeling ashamed that I have not been a good servant and even start to question and doubt my principles yet again.
Like what usually happens, heavy feelings are placed in me whenever a big community event is coming up. Tasks became obligations and obligations became a burden. It kept piling up until I can no longer handle the stress and the pressure and all I can do is sulk by myself thinking no one can help me. I started questioning what's the point of all these things that I'm doing. That why must I stress myself about it? Why can't I just leave it be? More and more reasons came to my mind that makes me want to run far away and forget everything. Even my dream that I realized was one of His dreams for me too became an escape. I treated it like I deserve it thus it must happen and it must go according to my plan. I was so absorbed into all the drama in my life that I forgot He existed. That He has the control over my life. That I needed Him to straighten out my problems. That only He can change my life.
With all these things going on inside my head, I thought yesterday was just an ordinary day for me. Yes it was the Youthfest but I was more eager for it to be done and over and get some rest. It had been a tiring day, doing all the tasks assigned to me, being busy going around etc. I wasn't interested in the whole thing.
But it did change me when I felt Him trying to talk to me. Trying to work it out against my brain and my rationality. While listening to the sessions and watching the performances, I knew deep down that all of it struck me. Some-if not most- are happening in my life right there and then. I knew that it was wrong and I knew that I have to change. I want to change. But there was this battle over my head just like in TV where there's an angel (or probably my consciousness) telling me to do the right thing and then there's this evil thing (I don't wanna say the "D" word because I feel it's too evil of a word lol) giving me questions to doubt like why change when you'll be back in the same spot a few months later? It's such a stressful argument and I don't know who to give the score to.
When I know that the latter was winning, since I know my heart wasn't even at the right posture for the occasion, it was where He proved to me that He will still fight for me and that He will never let go. That was when it was time for the exposition of the Holy Eucharist. Like the previous events, I know that it is a very important moment and that there will be a segment where the leaders will be going up on stage to have the privilege of being near Him. But I never knew that I, too, will be part of it. And just like before, I questioned if I should go up, if I even deserve to go up because there are others who are far more deserving, I'm sure. But since we must, I walked up and find my spot.
Right there and then I realized that He indeed was talking to me.
At that moment, He told me that "no matter if you do not forgive yourself for sinning, remember that I have already forgiven you. I have and always will be here for you. Never turn away because of your mistakes, be brave and learn from it. Let Me be your strength in times of pain and hardships. Hold on to Me as I hold on to you. Never forget that I love you the most." It may not be the exact words He did say to me but the point is, He is right there and after so many days and weeks of not hearing Him, He was there. It was so clear that it made me cry my heart out for Him. To say that I am really grateful for His mercy. And that I shall continue to strive hard to become who He wants me to be. Someone He will be proud of, or rather, I will be proud of to say that it was Him behind all of me. And that no matter what happens, even when I fall down and sin once again, I know that it will not matter because He will always be there for me to help me be better, to mold me to His own likeness, to use me to according to His will, to use my mistakes and lessons as an inspiration for others to know Him more, and to make me as a testimony of His great love for us.
Needless to say, I was brought back up by His love after that and He ended my day in a good way. I know that I am far from being healed and being who He wants me to be. I know there will be more challenges coming and I know that I will make mistakes and sin over and over, but I will strive to change and live out like Jesus Christ did, and eventually, share Christ's life and how He can change other people's lives like He did mine.
Xo,
L.
I did. And I never did expect that He will be talking to me in such a special way - right in front of me, face to face.
Okay, not literally, but figuratively and spiritually speaking, it was Him. I know it is.
Flashback to how I was before the Youthfest started (and ended), for the past few months, I've struggled with my spiritual growth - or lack of, I say. It's been really stressful with how busy I am at my workplace, how everything just kept piling and piling up. Work, family, service, social life, hobbies and sleep, there wasn't enough time for me to really have a talk with Him. Even my prayer time was screwed. I know it's such a cliche excuse to be busy, when I've got the time to do other things. But it's also because I didn't even took an effort into doing it. I chose to stay away from Him feeling ashamed that I have not been a good servant and even start to question and doubt my principles yet again.
Like what usually happens, heavy feelings are placed in me whenever a big community event is coming up. Tasks became obligations and obligations became a burden. It kept piling up until I can no longer handle the stress and the pressure and all I can do is sulk by myself thinking no one can help me. I started questioning what's the point of all these things that I'm doing. That why must I stress myself about it? Why can't I just leave it be? More and more reasons came to my mind that makes me want to run far away and forget everything. Even my dream that I realized was one of His dreams for me too became an escape. I treated it like I deserve it thus it must happen and it must go according to my plan. I was so absorbed into all the drama in my life that I forgot He existed. That He has the control over my life. That I needed Him to straighten out my problems. That only He can change my life.
With all these things going on inside my head, I thought yesterday was just an ordinary day for me. Yes it was the Youthfest but I was more eager for it to be done and over and get some rest. It had been a tiring day, doing all the tasks assigned to me, being busy going around etc. I wasn't interested in the whole thing.
But it did change me when I felt Him trying to talk to me. Trying to work it out against my brain and my rationality. While listening to the sessions and watching the performances, I knew deep down that all of it struck me. Some-if not most- are happening in my life right there and then. I knew that it was wrong and I knew that I have to change. I want to change. But there was this battle over my head just like in TV where there's an angel (or probably my consciousness) telling me to do the right thing and then there's this evil thing (I don't wanna say the "D" word because I feel it's too evil of a word lol) giving me questions to doubt like why change when you'll be back in the same spot a few months later? It's such a stressful argument and I don't know who to give the score to.
When I know that the latter was winning, since I know my heart wasn't even at the right posture for the occasion, it was where He proved to me that He will still fight for me and that He will never let go. That was when it was time for the exposition of the Holy Eucharist. Like the previous events, I know that it is a very important moment and that there will be a segment where the leaders will be going up on stage to have the privilege of being near Him. But I never knew that I, too, will be part of it. And just like before, I questioned if I should go up, if I even deserve to go up because there are others who are far more deserving, I'm sure. But since we must, I walked up and find my spot.
Right there and then I realized that He indeed was talking to me.
At that moment, He told me that "no matter if you do not forgive yourself for sinning, remember that I have already forgiven you. I have and always will be here for you. Never turn away because of your mistakes, be brave and learn from it. Let Me be your strength in times of pain and hardships. Hold on to Me as I hold on to you. Never forget that I love you the most." It may not be the exact words He did say to me but the point is, He is right there and after so many days and weeks of not hearing Him, He was there. It was so clear that it made me cry my heart out for Him. To say that I am really grateful for His mercy. And that I shall continue to strive hard to become who He wants me to be. Someone He will be proud of, or rather, I will be proud of to say that it was Him behind all of me. And that no matter what happens, even when I fall down and sin once again, I know that it will not matter because He will always be there for me to help me be better, to mold me to His own likeness, to use me to according to His will, to use my mistakes and lessons as an inspiration for others to know Him more, and to make me as a testimony of His great love for us.
Needless to say, I was brought back up by His love after that and He ended my day in a good way. I know that I am far from being healed and being who He wants me to be. I know there will be more challenges coming and I know that I will make mistakes and sin over and over, but I will strive to change and live out like Jesus Christ did, and eventually, share Christ's life and how He can change other people's lives like He did mine.
Xo,
L.
Friday, November 2
22 at 2012
So another year is about to pass and people are even saying the world will end just like those in the movies. It sounds ridiculous and I don't believe it. But if it does, I won't let it end without me having my birthday first. lol. Going for my 5th year of writing my wishlist this time (can't believe my blog's that old already and I haven't written that much. haha), turning 22 means I get to wish for 22 things. Just my own opinion though. Oh well, wishing Santa or someone else grants at least one. :)
1.2013 Planner - Already looking for one as early as October but I couldn't find one as unique as my planner this year, thanks to my friends. lol. I'm getting CBTL's planner c/o my friend Gam who's been collecting stickers for me. YAY!
2.A new Blackberry or iPhone - I wouldn't wish to change my phone but since it's been giving up on me, I think it's time to let it go after two years. :( Now switching to team iPhone! So very thankful for my dad to get me one, even if it's just a 4s. :)
3. External Hard Drive - Unfortunately, my new 1TB EHD broke while we were using it in the office. Lesson learned: never take it out from the house, ever. haha. I finally asked my dad to buy me one since I need to get my files in the office before they delete it. Have to pay him back though. *sigh*
4. Urbanears Plattan Headphones - Ever since I saw my cousin's pink one, I knew I had to have one. I'm not usually particular with having earphones or headphones, but this one is definitely a must have. I'd like the color berry or ocean, but I'm digging the denim so bad. lol
5.iPad Hard case - Our (my) iPad needs protection that's really tough. Already broke the smart case so yeah. But I want it to be cute too. Was able to buy a cute envelope case for it during my birthday which I thought would be my parents' gift. But I had to buy it myself instead. #FAIL
6. Camera Lens - A wish that I never get to prioritize, but I'd like to have one at least for my AE-1. Her lens now is just to big. haha. Oh and I need to have it fixed as well. :(
7. Camera Bag - Bringing my camera is such a hassle for me. I don't like to bring another bag for it to keep it but I don't like to keep it unprotected. So might as well bring a bag that's something cute. If not, a pouch will do so I can put it in my bag. haha.
8. Fujifilm Instax mini films - I recently bought an instax mini camera and it's really cute and awesome with how the photos look instantly nostalgic after taking it. One have a few films left of it and I wanted to have more memories taken with it. Those cute frames are cool too! :)
9.Fashion books - I'm starting to collect more of them now and I want to learn as much as I can if I wanted to continue pursuing this industry and try to make a career. It's quite expensive though. :( Special thanks to kuya Kevin who bought it for me as his exchange gift. hehe.
10. Black Leather Jacket - Just wanted one even if I know I wouldn't be able to wear it that much being our country is always so sunny and hot.
11.Dr. Martens Black Boots - Wanted to have a legit pair of boots for the same reason above. haha. And yeah, rocker/ biker chick is my kind of style. But not always. ;) Reserved a pair and I got it at 50% off! Legit boots for 2013! :))
12.Black Loafers - One I already got but it is part of my wish list so I'm still listing it down. :)
14.Jewelry Box/ Organizer - I don't have that much of accessories, but mine is enough to make our dresser full. I did made some improvising to keep it together but I still need something to put everything in. Got one during our office Christmas party. Thank you, Lyza!
15. Orly Black Matte Nail Polish - I wanted to try those matte nail polish and black seems like a good color to try it out. :)
16.Pilot G-Tech C3 Black - Got 3 of it last year and guess what, I lost all of it. I'm such a klutz. And most likely I'll get one of this again since it's the only cheap thing in my list. lol.
17.Minionssss - I can't get enough of 'em! Seeing one will always make my day. They're my favorite cartoon (are they considered one? lol) characters. EVER. These cupcakes are one of the cutest. But it's too cute to eat. haha. Got a knitted keychain minion as a gift from a friend who makes me minion cut outs! :)
18. Getting a birthday greeting from Ian Somerhalder - Okay, I know this will never happen in my lifetime, well, for 3 years already. But hey, a girl can still dream right? :))
So this is the part where I start wishing for places to go to. I'm listing these down for myself. To keep it as a goal to reach by next year. But of course, you can help me make it happen. :)
19. Beach trip - Never been in one for over a year. And I miss the feeling of sand in my feet and watching the sun rise and set is just so romantic. #kbye
20. Go back to Bangkok - I wanted to visit my friends over there and really immerse myself with their culture. There won't be any shopping this time. Or maybe just a little bit. :P
21.2013 World Youth Day in Brazil - So this one is a bit hard to accomplish and a lot more expensive. Well, if it's His will for me to go, then it will happen. :) Okay, I may not be able to get this but what I got is waaay better! Scroll down to find out!
And last but not the least...
22.A plane ticket to New York City - Never mind everything I wrote above, this is what I really want. I don't want it to be just a dream, thus wishing for a plane ticket seems much more concrete. And I'll see to it that it will happen. Help me make this come true, please? :) It's finally coming trueeee! My dad got me a ticket back to New York! And I'm gonna be staying there for quite a while! Yes! I can't believe it! I'm beyond blessed! :)
In the end, it's all just wishes that I hope to come true. But what will matter more are those who will make it real for me. :)
xo,
L.
1.
2.
3.
4. Urbanears Plattan Headphones - Ever since I saw my cousin's pink one, I knew I had to have one. I'm not usually particular with having earphones or headphones, but this one is definitely a must have. I'd like the color berry or ocean, but I'm digging the denim so bad. lol
5.
6. Camera Lens - A wish that I never get to prioritize, but I'd like to have one at least for my AE-1. Her lens now is just to big. haha. Oh and I need to have it fixed as well. :(
7. Camera Bag - Bringing my camera is such a hassle for me. I don't like to bring another bag for it to keep it but I don't like to keep it unprotected. So might as well bring a bag that's something cute. If not, a pouch will do so I can put it in my bag. haha.
8. Fujifilm Instax mini films - I recently bought an instax mini camera and it's really cute and awesome with how the photos look instantly nostalgic after taking it. One have a few films left of it and I wanted to have more memories taken with it. Those cute frames are cool too! :)
9.
10. Black Leather Jacket - Just wanted one even if I know I wouldn't be able to wear it that much being our country is always so sunny and hot.
11.
12.
13. Gold Watch - Never had a gold one and I really find it elegant and sophisticated even if that's the only jewelry you're wearing.
14.
15. Orly Black Matte Nail Polish - I wanted to try those matte nail polish and black seems like a good color to try it out. :)
16.
17.
18. Getting a birthday greeting from Ian Somerhalder - Okay, I know this will never happen in my lifetime, well, for 3 years already. But hey, a girl can still dream right? :))
So this is the part where I start wishing for places to go to. I'm listing these down for myself. To keep it as a goal to reach by next year. But of course, you can help me make it happen. :)
19. Beach trip - Never been in one for over a year. And I miss the feeling of sand in my feet and watching the sun rise and set is just so romantic. #kbye
20. Go back to Bangkok - I wanted to visit my friends over there and really immerse myself with their culture. There won't be any shopping this time. Or maybe just a little bit. :P
21.
And last but not the least...
22.
In the end, it's all just wishes that I hope to come true. But what will matter more are those who will make it real for me. :)
xo,
L.
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