11-16-2012

So... this was saved in the drafts and wasn't posted. sorry about that. LOL. Read on anyway. :)

I can't seem to sleep even when my eyes are so heavy already. Thus I am writing what I realized tonight after such a whirlwind week.

It's been quite a good week actually. Having started with an amazing realization from God last Sunday, I still struggle to go back to being me again and control myself from doing things I know that are not pleasing to Him. It's hard, but I'm trying, really. And thankfully, I was able to enjoy the week thanks to the campus team, having fun and realizing so many things together was quite a refreshing experience after isolating myself for a while. Although I had to pay for it with the lack of sleep, had an average of 4 hours of sleep a night only. But moments like those are worth the eyebags. LOL.

Fast forward to this day (or should I say yesterday since it's past midnight lol), it became quite stressful with me thinking of a way to fix my schedule for the weekend since I suddenly had to work, I was frustrated as hell when my plan for the weekend was ruined. I was supposed to be free the whole day and can go early to Batangas with the team but since I had to work, I need to get left behind and ride on the next bus. And I'm pretty sure I'll be tired as hell when we get here, with the lack of sleep and all.

Going back, I've been trying to work out a plan of having to go to everything. I decided that I should just let it be and let Him do what He wants me to do and where He wants me to go. And after a stressful day, I had an early out from work and I decided to attend the mass since I kind of forgot to the past few days, which I wanna start doing everyday. I came early for the mass so I stayed, and just prayed. I was able to catch the novena, and then that's where it hit me again.

It says that even if we feel that we are most undeserving to be called His servants, we should not be discouraged but be strong instead. We should take it as our driving force to strive better, to live trying our best to follow His teachings and live out His works. No matter how many times we fail, let us use it as a learning experience and as a way to help share His message. But what happens is that we feel that we do not deserve His love. We'd rather stay in the dark and let the feeling of unworthiness eat us up, which make us do and feel worse. We forget how merciful our God is and how He forgives us as long as we surrender ourselves to Him.

It is just human nature to feel that way but upon accepting that Christ is with us makes all the difference.

Xo,
L.