So it's been a while since I have visited my own blog. But it never stopped me from writing, or should I say think about things that I wanted to write about. I just never had the time or energy to do actually write it. Now's a different case, though I still don't have enough time to write it since I need to finish a lot of work.
I just watched Boyhood, a film that tells the life of a boy named Mason growing up. Yes, there's been a lot of life story-based films or films about growing up, but what made this one different is that it captured the life of its character through the same actor in the span of 12 years. All those events, milestones, challenges that each of us have gone through from childhood to adulthood has been well depicted in this film.
And it made me realize how life can simply just pass by. Those 12 years summarized in a 2-hour film. Cutting out those normal, uneventful days and simply focusing on special occasions, life changes, decisions (good or bad). I realized that when we die, after living our lives and working hard for so many years we will only be remembered by that summary they will be compiling. Those moments that stood out from the rest will be the only ones people will remember. It's those that we need to make sure are good things about us since soon enough, we will all be nothing but a memory in this world.
I've just turned 25 and sometimes I see myself looking back in all those years that flew by just like that. A decade ago I was a teenager struggling with the life of a high school-er and now I'm this supposedly adult who's having a hard time keeping up with life (but still made her life harder by going to grad school). It's not that easy to absorb, and to accept the fact that we are getting old, we are going to age. The next generations will replace us, they'll be the new yuppies while we become seniors.
It made me think of the memories I've collected and how much more do I need to have to keep that "summary" of me as good as I want it to be. But in order for me to have those, I need to have to share it with people - a lot of them. But right now, going through the tough times makes me want to hide and be alone. Sometimes, I even want to disappear and be remembered as who I am now. It is difficult to fight against those feelings but I have to. If I wanted to people to remember me as someone they loved, someone who inspired them, I need to fight. I need to get a move on from being stuck and enjoy everyday as it is my last. I need to create good memories as much as possible, and even keep some bad ones if people will learn from it.
It's not that easy though. Thinking about it is tiring enough let alone push myself to do it. But I will try. I need to keep telling myself to at least try even if my mind knows I won't. We'll see.
Xo,
L.
Thursday, March 31
Tuesday, December 8
Hello, Quarter Life!
Guess it's time to accept that I am a quarter of a century old. As I look back these past few years living as an "adult" living in the "real world", I realized that quarter-life crisis was real. Like REAL. Here were some of my stories how that said crisis happened:
21 was the year you got out of college and you are allowed to explore the opportunities, as well as get your ideal world broken by life's hardships. You applied to that dream job of yours only to wait for a call that will never come. Then you end up to a not-so-bad job with a not-so-good salary which you spent on worthless things just because it's your OWN hard-earned money.
22 was the year for fun and adventure and never-ending parties. You got the hang of balancing your life between friends, families versus work and mastered the art of coming straight to work after partying all night - with or without hangovers.
23 was the year of feeling exhausted from the year before and it made you indifferent and stressed all the time. You slowly drift away and just to normal things and start losing your "true" self. You stopped caring altogether and became a robot.
24 was the year for pushing yourself forward and making things happen after a year in the dark. You decided that nothing will happen if you didn't do anything. Go book that ticket/s and travel the world. Take that class that you want. Talk to a friend you haven't seen for a long time. Expand your circle, meet new people.
This can just be me or someone else is feeling the same. Maybe it's because I am getting older and slowly becoming this old lady with a lot of cats, though I much prefer dogs. lol. 25 ain't that bad - yet. :)
Xo,
L.
21 was the year you got out of college and you are allowed to explore the opportunities, as well as get your ideal world broken by life's hardships. You applied to that dream job of yours only to wait for a call that will never come. Then you end up to a not-so-bad job with a not-so-good salary which you spent on worthless things just because it's your OWN hard-earned money.
22 was the year for fun and adventure and never-ending parties. You got the hang of balancing your life between friends, families versus work and mastered the art of coming straight to work after partying all night - with or without hangovers.
23 was the year of feeling exhausted from the year before and it made you indifferent and stressed all the time. You slowly drift away and just to normal things and start losing your "true" self. You stopped caring altogether and became a robot.
24 was the year for pushing yourself forward and making things happen after a year in the dark. You decided that nothing will happen if you didn't do anything. Go book that ticket/s and travel the world. Take that class that you want. Talk to a friend you haven't seen for a long time. Expand your circle, meet new people.
This can just be me or someone else is feeling the same. Maybe it's because I am getting older and slowly becoming this old lady with a lot of cats, though I much prefer dogs. lol. 25 ain't that bad - yet. :)
Xo,
L.
Tuesday, January 20
A God full of surprises
I haven't been able to write for the past months since I have been quite busy, or lazy, but now I am writing not just to post something but to engrave a memory of a very special event in my life - seeing Pope Francis.
Before I begin sharing my experience, here's just a small backstory. For a while now, I have been feeling a little (or more) lost with my life. I know I haven't been the best version of myself and that I have lost the fire that lit up the path which I am supposed to take. For the past year I have lived under stress, negativity, depression, hopelessness, fear, sadness and any other things which I thought I already had overcome now that I am an adult. Instead, I fell deeper and farther away from who I was or who I wanted to become and went back to being this scared, insecure kid that I am before. All because I didn't hold on to what was really important: my relationship with Him. And without it, I have done things that I know I shouldn't, hurt people I didn't want to and forgotten what it is like to live knowing that God loves me. Simply put, it's kind of like my quarter-life crisis. Haha.
So yeah, having that kind of posture in my heart, I wasn't really all psyched about the Papal visit. First, I had work on the day of his arrival and departure. Second, I really don't like the idea of going with the crowd and bracing the massive obstacle to see the Pope. But at the same time, I wanted the experience of knowing what it's like to see him and feel his presence. Well, okay, and to join the bandwagon of people saying they saw the Pope and have photos/videos up in Facebook or Instagram to show it. But even so, I really wasn't that eager to get out of my comfort zone and brave the masses. And yet, I signed up for the Pope's encounter with the Youth held at UST, my alma matter. Thus, one more reason to attend and I did.
For several hours, we waited outside España blvd until they open the gates. Then one by one we entered and got squished by people pushing their way to get in. I was stressed already just by passing the gate. Then, we searched for seats and stayed there praying we can be near the Pope. Unfortunately, he didn't pass through our area and I was disappointed since I got my hopes up that maybe he will and that it was be my only chance to see him (Luneta was too intense for me). I just thought that maybe it will change everything for me. But I told myself to move on and just enjoy the presence of being with the Pope in UST. And so I did.
It was quite hard to focus on the program since it rained and the speakers weren't that loud to overpower the raindrops. But one thing did struck me during his impromptu speech. Here's the excerpt from Rappler:
"Love surprises because it opens a dialogue of loving and being loved. God is a God of surprise because He loved us first. God awaits us to surprise us. Let us allow ourselves to be surprised by God... God reveals himself through surprises."
It was such a perfect message for me since I told myself during my 24th birthday that this year will be a year full of surprises and true enough, the Pope shares that message and affirms it. Isn't that awesome or what? Affirming that message somehow tells me that God is there for me to surprise me with things I can only dream of. And that He shows His love through those surprises since He knows me so well that I do love surprises and it will affect me whatever surprise it may be.
Thus, despite not seeing him close, nor getting even a good photo, and my still-disappointed self, I focused on that message and kept thinking of the better things that are yet to come (a.k.a. WYD 2016!). I do believe it wasn't the right time for me to be close to him since my heart was not in the right place and other people are far more deserving, or may badly needed it. It was enough for me. It was enough to remind me that He is still the one who controls my life, who gives and takes, who loves and shares it all. He is a God who shows his compassion to everyone. And even Pope Francis, lives by it.
And that ends my experience with Pope Francis, while he was here. Oh and the 24 hour no-sleep, no-ligo experience. lol.
But the surprises that he told came right away. Just this afternoon, I was informed by my boss that I will be sent to Singapore for a couple of days to attend a training. I mean, how timely was that!? I just can't believe it. Thus I am writing it down here to remember that God is indeed full of surprises.
Xo,
L.
Before I begin sharing my experience, here's just a small backstory. For a while now, I have been feeling a little (or more) lost with my life. I know I haven't been the best version of myself and that I have lost the fire that lit up the path which I am supposed to take. For the past year I have lived under stress, negativity, depression, hopelessness, fear, sadness and any other things which I thought I already had overcome now that I am an adult. Instead, I fell deeper and farther away from who I was or who I wanted to become and went back to being this scared, insecure kid that I am before. All because I didn't hold on to what was really important: my relationship with Him. And without it, I have done things that I know I shouldn't, hurt people I didn't want to and forgotten what it is like to live knowing that God loves me. Simply put, it's kind of like my quarter-life crisis. Haha.
So yeah, having that kind of posture in my heart, I wasn't really all psyched about the Papal visit. First, I had work on the day of his arrival and departure. Second, I really don't like the idea of going with the crowd and bracing the massive obstacle to see the Pope. But at the same time, I wanted the experience of knowing what it's like to see him and feel his presence. Well, okay, and to join the bandwagon of people saying they saw the Pope and have photos/videos up in Facebook or Instagram to show it. But even so, I really wasn't that eager to get out of my comfort zone and brave the masses. And yet, I signed up for the Pope's encounter with the Youth held at UST, my alma matter. Thus, one more reason to attend and I did.
For several hours, we waited outside España blvd until they open the gates. Then one by one we entered and got squished by people pushing their way to get in. I was stressed already just by passing the gate. Then, we searched for seats and stayed there praying we can be near the Pope. Unfortunately, he didn't pass through our area and I was disappointed since I got my hopes up that maybe he will and that it was be my only chance to see him (Luneta was too intense for me). I just thought that maybe it will change everything for me. But I told myself to move on and just enjoy the presence of being with the Pope in UST. And so I did.
It was quite hard to focus on the program since it rained and the speakers weren't that loud to overpower the raindrops. But one thing did struck me during his impromptu speech. Here's the excerpt from Rappler:
"Love surprises because it opens a dialogue of loving and being loved. God is a God of surprise because He loved us first. God awaits us to surprise us. Let us allow ourselves to be surprised by God... God reveals himself through surprises."
It was such a perfect message for me since I told myself during my 24th birthday that this year will be a year full of surprises and true enough, the Pope shares that message and affirms it. Isn't that awesome or what? Affirming that message somehow tells me that God is there for me to surprise me with things I can only dream of. And that He shows His love through those surprises since He knows me so well that I do love surprises and it will affect me whatever surprise it may be.
Thus, despite not seeing him close, nor getting even a good photo, and my still-disappointed self, I focused on that message and kept thinking of the better things that are yet to come (a.k.a. WYD 2016!). I do believe it wasn't the right time for me to be close to him since my heart was not in the right place and other people are far more deserving, or may badly needed it. It was enough for me. It was enough to remind me that He is still the one who controls my life, who gives and takes, who loves and shares it all. He is a God who shows his compassion to everyone. And even Pope Francis, lives by it.
And that ends my experience with Pope Francis, while he was here. Oh and the 24 hour no-sleep, no-ligo experience. lol.
But the surprises that he told came right away. Just this afternoon, I was informed by my boss that I will be sent to Singapore for a couple of days to attend a training. I mean, how timely was that!? I just can't believe it. Thus I am writing it down here to remember that God is indeed full of surprises.
Xo,
L.
Sunday, November 16
Before I think too deeply
I've just recently realized that Christmas is coming, and so is my birthday. Yet as I grow older, I seem to care less about it both. Either because I'm too busy to notice or too scared to admit that I am getting older, or both. And I think that's because this past year has been quite a confusing moment for me. Quite like a pre-quarter life crisis, if there is such a thing. Or maybe this is my quarter life crisis already. Hmm.
As this year comes to an end, I still do not know where to begin for the next nor know where to pick myself up from as I am as lost as to where I am now or where I am going. It just sucks that even if I do have a hint of what I really want, this me, this person who I've become, isn't letting me move forward and go walk towards my dreams. Along with all my doubts, fears, insecurities, and all my crap, I am not able to move beyond this rut that I am in, and what's more, I'm starting to feel settled. And I am so scared of myself having to settle with this and just dream what could have been if I were to push forward. Or maybe, I am just aiming too high, for the impossible, that what's really meant for me is just this. That those aren't really something that's for me. That I should be contented with what I have going on right now. See my dilemma? It's so freaking confusing and frustrating to fight against myself with these questions every single day of my life. Thus, I am really not ready yet to face the truth that I am getting older and in reality, getting older means getting your shit together, which I clearly do not have any chance of improvement.
I wish I could just escape and write forever. Or just read and watch love stories. They aren't perfect, but mostly get their happy ending. (lolwhat)
Xo,
L.
As this year comes to an end, I still do not know where to begin for the next nor know where to pick myself up from as I am as lost as to where I am now or where I am going. It just sucks that even if I do have a hint of what I really want, this me, this person who I've become, isn't letting me move forward and go walk towards my dreams. Along with all my doubts, fears, insecurities, and all my crap, I am not able to move beyond this rut that I am in, and what's more, I'm starting to feel settled. And I am so scared of myself having to settle with this and just dream what could have been if I were to push forward. Or maybe, I am just aiming too high, for the impossible, that what's really meant for me is just this. That those aren't really something that's for me. That I should be contented with what I have going on right now. See my dilemma? It's so freaking confusing and frustrating to fight against myself with these questions every single day of my life. Thus, I am really not ready yet to face the truth that I am getting older and in reality, getting older means getting your shit together, which I clearly do not have any chance of improvement.
I wish I could just escape and write forever. Or just read and watch love stories. They aren't perfect, but mostly get their happy ending. (lolwhat)
Xo,
L.
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