So it's been a while since I have visited my own blog. But it never stopped me from writing, or should I say think about things that I wanted to write about. I just never had the time or energy to do actually write it. Now's a different case, though I still don't have enough time to write it since I need to finish a lot of work.
I just watched Boyhood, a film that tells the life of a boy named Mason growing up. Yes, there's been a lot of life story-based films or films about growing up, but what made this one different is that it captured the life of its character through the same actor in the span of 12 years. All those events, milestones, challenges that each of us have gone through from childhood to adulthood has been well depicted in this film.
And it made me realize how life can simply just pass by. Those 12 years summarized in a 2-hour film. Cutting out those normal, uneventful days and simply focusing on special occasions, life changes, decisions (good or bad). I realized that when we die, after living our lives and working hard for so many years we will only be remembered by that summary they will be compiling. Those moments that stood out from the rest will be the only ones people will remember. It's those that we need to make sure are good things about us since soon enough, we will all be nothing but a memory in this world.
I've just turned 25 and sometimes I see myself looking back in all those years that flew by just like that. A decade ago I was a teenager struggling with the life of a high school-er and now I'm this supposedly adult who's having a hard time keeping up with life (but still made her life harder by going to grad school). It's not that easy to absorb, and to accept the fact that we are getting old, we are going to age. The next generations will replace us, they'll be the new yuppies while we become seniors.
It made me think of the memories I've collected and how much more do I need to have to keep that "summary" of me as good as I want it to be. But in order for me to have those, I need to have to share it with people - a lot of them. But right now, going through the tough times makes me want to hide and be alone. Sometimes, I even want to disappear and be remembered as who I am now. It is difficult to fight against those feelings but I have to. If I wanted to people to remember me as someone they loved, someone who inspired them, I need to fight. I need to get a move on from being stuck and enjoy everyday as it is my last. I need to create good memories as much as possible, and even keep some bad ones if people will learn from it.
It's not that easy though. Thinking about it is tiring enough let alone push myself to do it. But I will try. I need to keep telling myself to at least try even if my mind knows I won't. We'll see.