I tolerate curiosity

Tuesday, August 28

middle child syndrome.

This topic was opened while we were making our project for lit, that was a week ago. But until now, I don't know why, it's still bugging me and I always felt that it's really true. I've become paranoid to what it really is.

Last Monday, after doing our project, me and my family went to the mall. And then we went shopping, actually, they went shopping. I was just following them around the whole time and by the time we were about to go home, I haven't bought anything. And I thought about it, the middle child syndrome. Is it really true? That there is really something like that? And I knew my answer. Yes, there is, for me. So when we were about to go home, I agrued that I haven't even bought anything yet. Then they got mad at me. Now I realized that it is true. That there is a lack of attention or something if you are a middle child. So I was so pissed off. I was so mad at them that I was thinking of going home alone, leaving them behind, or simply runaway. Maybe it was because of envy or jealousy, I know it is. Yet I didn't think that's true because it's not my fault that I was jealous. It's theirs because they didn't care much about me. It's as if I was invisible or I don't exist. Because of my madness, I cried and I don't want them to see me but they did. And then they noticed me. If I didn't cry, maybe they're just gonna ignore me like they always do. I imagined them without me, they are a perfect family.

Just the thought about this makes me mad inside. I want to have my revenge. Yet, I don't want to do it. So what I'm doing is just taking it all in, I'm just waiting, patiently, for the right time, until I'm so mad at them that I can shout my anger and let it all out. If they could just know how I really feel. This sadness I feel inside...

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