Random thought 10-10

Seems like I still dream of the moment I will meet that special person for me. And it seems like it's becoming more of just a dream as time goes by. But I'll never lose hope that one day, he will. And a whole new journey filled with adventures, good or bad, await us. I don't care if it's gonna be a long time waiting, I just sure wish it's gonna be worth everything. Or even better than what I've dreamt of.

But yes I do think about it almost everyday. Almost. 

Xo,

L.

Random thoughts 09-20

I've longed for the day to finally meet the person I will be falling in love with and I know that he won't be coming anytime soon so long until everything in my life will fall into place and he will be the last rose petal to drop. I know I've got to find myself first, come clean with my baggages and get it together before he arrives. And I know it will be a really long wait. But I've got no choice than to deal with it. And like the child that I am, I tend to become impatient, insecure and afraid of the uncertainty of him really ever coming. Still, I am proud to say that I never did anything (bad, I mean) to distract myself while he's on his way. I am doing the best I could to be the best version of myself. But to no avail, I have yet to gain a step closer. Therefore, it goes to my conclusion that it'll take some time before he gets here. And I have yet to know what will happen when it does. And it scares me. 

Xo,

L.

The way it used to be

Do you miss the moments where everything just seem so perfect? It's as if your life is perfect and couldn't get any better? And I know it did. But having experienced the highs in life makes you compare those that aren't of the same equivalent level of happiness or even makes some unfortunate experience seem worse than it really is. 

Such are the moments when we have so much of everything that when it is taken away, you feel like life would never be the same without it.

And it just eats you up knowing you don't have that much anymore. You wish you do or know you will get them back in the future that you tend to look forward to that ideal and compare the present with it. Of course, it keeps you seeing the present as something temporal which you have to deal with while you get back up again. 

It's sucks to think like that because you miss out on the things that you currently have without those that you ideally want. And you'll never notice how these things may worth more than you want. And through highs and lows, what you hve now will still be there even if the highs are gone.

I know it doesn't make any sense. But maybe it does?

Xo,

L.

Random thought 06-14

Lately I've been having a hard time accepting and transitioning towards the real situation that's going on in my life - growing up. I've been so used to the comfortable life that I've had since I was young and now it seems like everything's gone serious all of a sudden. All the things that I'm thinking about are the things that worries me. Things that I never even had to take care of before. Now it's all up in there in my to-do list. 

But on top of the list right now is to understand myself and look for who I really am. I know what kind of person I want to become, but if I'm not meant to be one, then what now? I'm telling myself to be more mature but it ends up me being all childish and succumbing to my impulses and insecurities. Growing up is not easy. If it was, then I wouldn't even be sulking and wandering the world seeking for answers. 

I'm sure what I wrote above doesn't make sense. That's kind of my life right now. Everything is all in there waiting for me to decide which to follow and what to do. But like I said before, I am torn apart by the thought of who I want be and who I am meant to be. It's hard to move forward without knowing any chances of getting there and it's too much of a risk to only end up failing in the future, which is one of the things that scares me the most. I am so afraid to fail at life that I want to know the answers about who I am and what I am meant to do. I care too much about it that it eats me up and hides me behind my old childish self that only cares about herself. 

I know who I am right now but the me now is not who I want to be. And I am sure that I am also not meant to be like this. However, if this is a part of who I am becoming, then I have no choice but to force myself to be different. I know that would be going against fate or whatever but I would definitely try to become someone better than my current self.

For now, I shall just end this with a photo of me not looking so young anymore (thanks to the power of cosmetics. lol). Do I look 23 now? :P

Xo,
L.