I tolerate curiosity

Saturday, June 14

Random thought 06-14

Lately I've been having a hard time accepting and transitioning towards the real situation that's going on in my life - growing up. I've been so used to the comfortable life that I've had since I was young and now it seems like everything's gone serious all of a sudden. All the things that I'm thinking about are the things that worries me. Things that I never even had to take care of before. Now it's all up in there in my to-do list. 

But on top of the list right now is to understand myself and look for who I really am. I know what kind of person I want to become, but if I'm not meant to be one, then what now? I'm telling myself to be more mature but it ends up me being all childish and succumbing to my impulses and insecurities. Growing up is not easy. If it was, then I wouldn't even be sulking and wandering the world seeking for answers. 

I'm sure what I wrote above doesn't make sense. That's kind of my life right now. Everything is all in there waiting for me to decide which to follow and what to do. But like I said before, I am torn apart by the thought of who I want be and who I am meant to be. It's hard to move forward without knowing any chances of getting there and it's too much of a risk to only end up failing in the future, which is one of the things that scares me the most. I am so afraid to fail at life that I want to know the answers about who I am and what I am meant to do. I care too much about it that it eats me up and hides me behind my old childish self that only cares about herself. 

I know who I am right now but the me now is not who I want to be. And I am sure that I am also not meant to be like this. However, if this is a part of who I am becoming, then I have no choice but to force myself to be different. I know that would be going against fate or whatever but I would definitely try to become someone better than my current self.

For now, I shall just end this with a photo of me not looking so young anymore (thanks to the power of cosmetics. lol). Do I look 23 now? :P


No comments: